I felt I should write and try to explain my absence here to any readers. There are many things playing a role in this lack of activity, some which I don’t even understand myself just yet. Let me try to explain.
Originally it was my plan to be sure to cover the Watchtower articles every week. After doing several of them however, I am not certain that I can continue it. I have been tossed into a strange mental and emotional disposition over the last several weeks. I am sure it is connected in some way to reading the articles. Not in any way because I’ve been re-indoctrinated at all, but rather because all I can think about when I read it is all the time taken from both my wife, myself and my family. Then I think of my family, which this organization has quite literally torn apart. I replay the grief of my mother the night my uncle (her brother) died and this reminds me of how that relationship was robbed of her. All the time she could have had with him, now not only is it gone but any future time gone – stolen by a control group.
So many, many people all around the world – over 8 million if we believe their reports – just like my mother. Just like me. How can such a crime be measured by the standards of men? What words carry enough weight to imply proper severity? I think of them all sitting at the Kingdom Halls being indoctrinated on Sunday mornings everytime I read one of those study articles, and all of these thoughts begin to cycle. I cannot bear the weight of them, it’s caused me retreat into hobbies to otherwise involve my mind. I do not want to feel what I feel when I read those articles, it’s like my very conciousness is bruised.
For this reason, I have been rather silent lately. I will no longer be writing about the Watchtower articles. Instead, once I have made a full emotional recovery from these feelings, I will write about the things I studied that caused me to doubt. Perhaps this can be of some use to others. I am also reading the works of Steven Hassan currently. Upon completion of two of his books I plan to incorporate the things I learn there into articles I write to help others cope and provide some educational information on precisely how these groups operate – how they program a persons mind without them even knowing it’s happening.
I apologize for my absence to any readers, and I hope that I can feel up to writing again soon. For now though things are feeling rather dark for me, and I need to find a way to let some light in.